Helping or Tattling?

Teachers have always struggled with children “tattling” on other children. Sometimes students have been scolded for reporting things to teachers as “tattletales”. This concept is strongly imbedded in youth culture. Teachers can help children learn that some situations should be reported to adults and that it is not tattling but rather seeking help for someone.

Helping is reporting someone’s behavior to get assistance from an adult in a situation that the child does not feel they can safely resolve themselves. The purpose of helping is to protect yourself, someone else, or property from being hurt or damaged.

Tattling is when someone tells to get attention for themselves or to get someone in trouble. It is tattling when no one’s body, feelings, or property is being hurt or damaged or is in danger of being hurt or damaged.

Staff, collectively, will need to decide what exactly comprises helping. For instance, is it tattling or helping when someone tells about someone running in the hall? Although children may be motivated to tell for the wrong reasons, making it tattling, the rules against running in the hall are there for safety reasons, making it an unsafe behavior that should be reported—helping.

Teachers can respond to these situations in a matter of fact fashion and minimize any “rewarding” of tattling behavior.

Effective Reporting:

In order for children to be good reporters of unsafe behavior, they need to be taught the following:

1. To be calm and polite when reporting or asking for help.
2. To explain clearly how someone is being hurt, why they are afraid, or what damage is being done.
3. To ask for help from the adult.

To help a child determine if this is appropriate reporting, try asking the following:

1. Are you tattling or asking for help?
2. Are you trying to get someone in trouble, or is someone/something/you being hurt?
3. Was what you saw fair? (To determine if a power imbalance is present or if the incident being described is a conflict) Why wasn’t it fair?
4. Who (or what) are you worried about? Why?      

For more information contact Molly Murphy Mercer at info@risetogether.com or Chuck Saufler at www.bullyfreeme.com